Last night I caught up with my friend and she bought us a macaroon each and a piece of orange cake and coffee. I drank the coffee. But the cake and coffee…while she was getting them I could feel the anxiety building up. I’l walked a lot and gone to the gym and ate heaps of pureed apple but nothing else and didn’t want to wreck it with sugar but equally didn’t want to seem ungrateful (or eating disordered) and so I put some serviettes (aka napkins in american talk) on my lap and as soon as she laughed or shut her eyes or gazed away for a second I’d drop the food onto my lap until it gradually all went. I had to have one or two little nibbles of course so that it looked like I was eating. Then I threw it in my bag and disposed of it afterwards.
UNfortunate I barely slept last night because of the coffee. But I love coffee so much. So tired today which make me not as resilient as normal.